How To...
How to help your child follow a direction:
State it clearly e.g. “John, please bring me your shoes, thank you”. Then count to 60 in your head and smile, give them a chance to process and follow through. If they do not do it you decide whether you have the time and energy to follow through. If you do not, all you have reinforced is an ignore (better than reinforcing arguing , tantrums etc.)
Our adult polite way of speaking using words such as “Can you, would you and could you” confuse children. These words are not commanding and leaves it as a question to your child and not a direction.
“John,” Starting with their name gains their attention.“..please.” provides the necessary politeness and manners.
“….bring me your shoes.” Clearly state in as few words as possible what you want them to do.
“…thank you.” Saying thank you before they do it has an interesting way of making it happen. It provides closure to the command.
If after waiting 60 seconds they do not do it and you have decided you have the time and energy for follow through you repeat the direction and replace “Please” with “You need to”. Wait 60 seconds and if the child does not do it follow through with you plan of action (hand over hand, consequence, time out etc.).
